Making Face // I Am Not My Skin

Skin. My skin, your skin, every last thing on this planet has some form of a skin, a shell layer that protects all the soft, important bits of our makeup. Skin. The largest constant working organ of your body. Skin. The one thing you have to wear all day everyday. A layer you can't replace with a better, shiner version of itself. Your skin is part of you, but you are not your skin.

Everyday when I wake up the first thing I do is look at the mirror and examine my skin. 

           "Oh, a new spot here cause of the new cream to heal the dermatitis there"

It's a constant battle with dermatitis or acne alone, but add It with an ongoing mental struggle to try see the positive in what seems like the worst situation of any young woman or man can be hard.

There's a campaign on Irish TVs currently promoting people to talk about mental health, and the main phrase in it is that the little things can help, like saying 'I'm not feeling okay' . Which they can be, for someone who might  need to voice their problems in a bid to feel better. But for someone in a similar situation to me those 'little things' that can help are slightly different. Now the little things I'm referring to are the futile day to days worries that will distract me from the main problem that is truly bothering me. Skin. Some may say this is an unhealthy mind set to not talk about how I'm truly feeling about my skin issues. 

But here me out. 

I talk plenty about my skin. I've had some amazing conversations about skin with young and old people. But these conversations are discussions, I'm never truly conversing about my skin directly unless using it as an example. If I were to talk about skin even once a day, about how I'm feeling about it Id become bogged down with the fact that this is how I am now. This is how I look. That my dermatitis is the first thing people will notice. If I were to do this everyday those negative thoughts, those horrible sad thoughts would become me. No one wants that. I don't want that. Someone with acne will not spend time talking about their acne. And you know why? Because we have to live with seeing ourselves every day, when our skin is bad, it seems ten times worse to us.

The mental health of people with skin problems is on a knifes edge. On several occasions I've had meltdowns, breakdowns and so many moments of anxiety for no explainable reason. In August a week before I was due to go away on a break,  for some unknown reason I felt like I was under enormous pressure to get things done. What things do? When written down it didn't seem like a lot. That being said, it's the little things that seem so meaningless and silly to be worried about are what keep  my mental state from balancing over the  wrong edge of the knife, because if I let my skin become my main worry and focus Id be an inconsolable wreck majority of the time. 

The biggest challenge I've to face on a daily basis for the good of my mental health is to remind myself that I am not my skin. That my skin is just a part of me. Yes, it covers my whole body and yes I'm unfortunate enough to have it on my face. But you know what? if I stand up straight, hold my head up and keeping telling myself that I am a stronger presence than what's just on my face I can get through even the shittiest of days.

Sometimes a good cry once in a while really helps too.

But if I've learnt anything over the last 12 months it is that you've got to carry on doing what you love, focus on the better things even when it seems impossible, and fill your head with other thoughts and worrys other than skin issues and frustrations, iis the best way to keep your mind healthy.  And in recent times, I've found being honest about it, makes me feel less afraid and realising at some point I will find  someone who's going to accept me for how I look on good and bad days. 

You can not let your skin problems become you, you are technically made of up star dust and itty bitty galaxy molecules. We've got to remind ourselves that even with our outer layer looking the way it does, there are so many better wonderful beautiful things underneath that layer that shouldn't be locked away because you've let your skin have all the power. 

So tomorrow when you wake up and look in the mirror, don't look at your skin, just look at you. Because your skin doesn't make you you. 

Make Face // Bleach Baths

Last night I began a new regime for my dermatitis. This new regime is focused at clearing the bacterial infections I seem to be prone to, healing the sores and patches of new ezcema that have surfaced and eventually, hopefully, maybe, toes and fingers crossed might actually do some good for my skin over the 12 week period. 

I'm back using steroid creams, Fucid Lipid and Fucidion H for my body and face respectively, on top of having five baths a week. Two of which are bleach baths.Bleach. Yes you read that right. Sounds scary I know, but its been known to really help. I imagine I'm gonna smell like a swimming pool slightly. 

Like I've said, the reason for the bleach baths is to clear any bacterial infections that are lingering in any open sores and also bacteria that is living on the skin. The bleach will reduce your itching, redness and any scaling. Of course, you cant just rely on the bleach baths to work some miracle on your skin problems, continue with your normal topical cream use and moisturise too. After my first one last night, I haven't been severely itchy today. Which is a nice change as the last week Ive been demented with the itch. I don't think I'll ever be able to properly describe what its like when I get an extreme itch, its like nothing Ive ever experienced before... I could itch for several minutes and not get any relief, plus I'll use whatever rough material I can get my hands on to really scratch that itch. The 20 minutes of possesion by my itch will usually end in broken, red, tender, bleeding swollen and raw cracks in my skin.. So today has been a nice change and hope it may become the norm for me.

So how do you go about creating your swimming pool smelling bath? If properly diluted and used as directed, a bleach bath is safe for everyone who suffers from eczema or psoriasis. Bleach wise, I personally use milton as it was recommended to me by my consultant. 

• Add 1/2 cup (118 mililiters) of bleach to 40 gallons ( 151 liters) of warm water - a full bathtub up to the drainage holes. Use household bleach, not concentrated bleach. Last night, I added two capfuls of the bottle to my bath which seemed enough as I could feel the sting when I got into the water.
• Soak from the neck down. DO NOT submerge your head or face. Soack for max 10 minutes.
• Rinse off afterwards, and gently pat dry with a towel.
• Immediately apply moisturiser generously.
• Take a bleach bath no more than three times a week.

Now I didn't experience sever dryness after my bath last night, but don't be surprised if you feel very dry. If you use too much bleach or take too many bleach baths it can make your skin dry. If your skin is cracked or very dry, any bath — including a bleach bath — may be painful, my neck and back of my legs were stinging for the time I was in it. Also, make sure to wear a shower cap, scoop all your hair into it if you don't want to accidentally bleach your hair.


Of course, talk to your doctor and dermatologist before trying an eczema bleach bath.

Lesley Anastasia x 

Primary School Crush

Remember that tall blonde surf-style boy you had the biggest crush on in fourth class? And how everyone wore puka necklaces with their moose embossed T-shirts? Now fast forward over ten years and you've just happened to run into the same dirty blonde surf boy in your local pub. You  realise he's all grown up and he's invested in a pretty snazzy leather jacket and plaid shirt. Your hearts starts to flutter all over again, and you remember why you  had such a thing for him when you were younger. 

Sometimes those dream like scenarios can prove time has worked its undeniable magic. That in some cases, an old flame might be worth another go can even though it seems obscure, that, that is something that only happens in movies. 

Now brace yourself and imagine the exactly same scenario on your oldest and dearest fashion faux pas of every Irish tween. Abercrombie & Fitch. It would appear aul A&F has gotten all grown up. The label that defined our generation with its ridiculously large logo embossed coloured jumpers and tiered ruffle skirts went to study sociology at Trinity, ditched the whole "you can't sit with us" popular kid syndrome and all of a sudden now is quite a mellow, approachable individual. 

Take a look at the brands A/W Lookbook and see for yourself. The collection is made up of comfortable go to staple separates, that will in theory stand the test of time and the forever changing trends. It's the grey cotton loose T-shirts, relaxed button up plaid and white shirts, and denim - that I can vouch for, has a good fit went as I went and tried on a pair - that all have that universal appeal of simple basics that don't settle into a 'primary school like' clique. The cherry on the metaphorical surf boy cake is that, that horrible in your face branding of the logo is nowhere to be seen. An oh so subtle A&F or moose is all that will you find on its new collection.

 I've already bought two pieces from their new streamlined collection, a grey cotton tee that is probably one of the few T-shirts I own that the shoulder seams actually lay on my shoulders. Broad shoulder people say whaaaat.  Also a quite silky looking grey jersey shirt/blouse that drapes at the front to create a deep v, with three quarter length slim fitting sleeves.

I'll post photos on my instagram so check it out if you don't already my username is @lazerbeam2_0.

So there you have it Abercrombie & Fitch are all grown up, and might fine thery're looking.

OOTD // Audrey Vibes

With the UV Therapy taking its toll on my skin, and summer sun coming out to play still - has no one told it is September?  I have to be extra careful these days about my sun exposure. And so my 'summer' wardrobe hasn't been overly summery this year. Today I went for an Audrey Hepburn vibe. All black, slicked back hair with a pop of colour with my newly bought COS socks - which are extremely silky and soft. If I look a bit stiff in these photos, it is because I am stiff. The UV therapy at the minute is burning me, and the burn is exactly the same as if I were to be burnt from the sun. My body is piping hot, and a shade of tomato red. You can see the brightness of my chest popping through in these photos. 

Until next time,

L 

x

The Bigger the Hoop Bigger the Ho

What happened the glorious hoop. With phrases like the bigger the hoop the bigger the ho, thanks khlo-k , no wonder these babies are lost treasures at the bottom of that drawer stuffed with bits and bobs you probably wont touch for eons. You know the drawer I'm talking about. 

Hoops have never left my go to jewellery box, even recently one of the gym instructors in my local gym always has a gold pair and theyre only freaking fabulous adding a bit of oomph to gym gear. Rock a bit of nostalgia with big jenny from the block gold ones  ( maybe not for the gym ) or go minimal with thin slender silver ones. Whatever your taste  its time to dust em and rock em.